That was the last time I saw her...

"When I was six, I remember I was getting ready for school and my mom was about to drop us off. Four black cars pulled up and they took her away. That was the last time I saw her. And then the same thing happened to my dad. I feel so sad for him being in jail...I don't think he gets enough food." 

How do you respond to a child whose parents have been incarcerated and may not be released for years. How do you tell him that he may be in foster care until he's adopted or turns 21. How do I tell him that he may never be able to build that attachment and trust with his parents or other people in his life.

My heart breaks as a tear rolls down his cheek, worrying about his father and mother in jail. He runs to his foster mother and curls up in her lap. He now has a stomachache. That same stomachache that occurs when we start talking about his biological parents.

Times like this I just listen and observe. Times like this it hurts. So I let him let it out, so that he can grieve. 

Sometimes someone hurts you so bad, you stop hurting at all. Until something makes you feel again, and then it all comes back.

Today I sat in a courtroom while I looked at one of the teenagers I work with testify against her father. The person she had trusted to take care of her had raped her.

Although she had a large group of supporters sitting in the gallery, she seemed so alone on the witness stand. As I saw her tears of sadness, turn into words of anger, I couldn't help but feel the transfer of feelings upon me. She had been victimized and now she had to re-call all of the details of her abuse. I felt sick to my stomach hearing the pain she had gone through. My eyes swelled with tears and my jaw clenched as the defense attorney tried to confuse her.

I admired the strength it took for her to stand there and tell her story to the public, her family, and her friends. But I also know that her life is changed for ever. The person she once called father, will never be that to her. Her innocent childhood was stolen away and replaced with weekly therapy sessions and long working hours to avoid thinking about what happened.

As a social worker, I have had my heart wrenching moments-and today was one of those days. But seeing the sense of relief that came from my client after her testimony, made me realize that she is a resilient and strong individual. And it gave me a sense of hope and realization that one day her golden cheer will return.

You Would Never Know

She was 6 years old. She witnessed her stepmother get pushed down the stairs by her father. She held on to the baby covered in blood that came out of her stepmothers womb. She said, "Oh no mommys doll baby came out." Her father ran down the stairs, pulled the dead baby from her arms, and put a gun to her head. He told her "Never tell anyone our business-or I will pull the trigger next time. She stopped trusting. She stopped talking. She was six.

She is 14. Magnet school. Straight A's. Athletic. An artist. You see her laugh without a care in the world. She loves joking with you. You would never know that she was that same 6 year old.

My Wealth

As a child did you ever go to bed hungry-because there was not enough money for food?

I did.

As a child did you ever watch your single mother work 3 jobs just to buy you a pair of tennis shoes?

I did.

As a child did you ever have to lay on the floor because of a gun fight going on between gangs?

I did.

I learned very early in my life what it meant to be wealthy. I watched classmates eat while I went hungry. I watched kids show off their new school clothing as I wore hand-me-downs and off brand shoes. I went to a school in California surrounded by gang involvement. All I wanted to have as a kid was enough money for my family to eat, to have my mom stay home to be with my siblings and I, and to feel safe.

As I grew up, my mother remarried, we had more money, we ate, and we moved to a safer area. I realized that even having a little bit more money did not change what my definition was of wealth.

To me I was always wealthy. I had the love of family and friends. I had teachers who inspired me. My family had friends who reached out and helped. You see my wealth was love. Because even without all the material things, I always had the support and care of people. People who did not judge me for what I didn't have. And got to know me for my character. 

As I continue to work with foster youth I strive to present them with conversation, care, and a sense of hope. I let them know that the real value of life is not in monetary value but in the strength of the relationships they acquire through the years. This to me is why I became a social worker.

Always,

Emily

"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."     -The Great Gatsby

Memory:
My mother, sister and I were living in California in the early 1990's. We lived in a barrio in Los Angeles with mostly all Latino families. My mother tried her best to give us a good life on the little money she made. We went to church, a bilingual school, and played with others in the neighborhood. There even was a lady with over 20 cats in her house. My mother struggled but never once did we hear her complain about how bad it really was.

Gang shoot outs were common in our area. Through one of these shoot outs, we were doing what we regularly did, laying flat on the ground away from all windows. However I was a very curious six year old and rarely listened to my mother. I rose up and ran to the kitchen window to see the action. When I went to see there was a man with a gun right outside our door. It was the scariest thing I had seen up until then. I can still picture his eyes. My mother who had been yelling at me, quickly grabbed me and pulled me into the living room. This was normal in our neighborhood.

Meaning:
I am currently re-reading The Great Gatsby and came across the quote above. At times I look at people and am quick to assume and judge. But then I take a step back and think that a person behaves and thinks a certain way due to their experiences. I quickly go into what I call "social worker mode"-taking a look at that persons strengths instead of weaknesses.

A persons childhood experiences are what shapes them into the adult that they are to become. The gang shoot outs in LA were normal to me, it wasn't until I moved back to Maryland that I realized that I had been living in a really violent neighborhood. This is the reason why I want to work with children and more specifically children who live in areas like this. Children who grow up only knowing this type of life.

So tell me why are people so quick to judge other people without knowing anything about them? Next time I challenge you to drop your assumptions and get to know someone before actually judging their character.

“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”  -Albert Einstein

When I taught pre-school I had a pair of parents who questioned and challenged the curriculum we taught. They wanted to have the school dismiss all fairy tale books and projects we conducted with the children. Some of their reasons were that they condoned violence and portrayed women as inferior creatures. I argued with the parents that the stories I read were part of the American literature that we all grew up with. These books helped show the differences between right and wrong. Even more importantly these sort of stories opened up a world of imagination to children.

But that was just the problem...they didn't want their child to have an imagination.They wanted their child to face reality and for the pre-school to incorporate books on poverty and starvation around the world. I couldn't believe these parents. Don't get me wrong, I understand that children should face reality at some point. However a child becomes a better individual when they have a mind that reaches beyond this world. A mind that can lead to writing incredible books to building something that no one ever thought of.

So to those parents who limited the chance for their child to explore the world and make his own interpretations about it...I hope that he defies your ideas. I hope he one day strives to reach beyond his own dreams.