My Mother's American Dream

El Salvador

My mother and her family were well-off in El Salvador until my grandfather passed away. From one day to the next they lost everything. As the eldest daughter, my mother had no choice but to help provide for her family. As a teen she would attend school during the day, go to her job in the evening, and come home to help clean and cook. The Civil War in El Salvador begin in 1980, when my mother was 18 years old. My mother recalls seeing dead bodies on the street and her house being bombed. She made the decision to move to the United States to escape that chaos and achieve the American Dream that everyone would talk about.

America

When my mother moved to New York she moved in with a family as their live-in nanny. My mother remembers her meals as scraps from the plates of her employers. Although my mother was bitter towards the adults, she loved the kids she took care of. She remembers how the children would sneak into her room when they had nightmares. She took care of them as if they were her own. My mother was left with no other choice but to clean and take care of children. A couple years later she moved to Maryland to begin a new life.

My mother dedicated her life to her four children. She remembers working enough to buy her children food and clothing. When we would ask her why she didn't eat, she would say that she wasn't hungry. Little did we know that she had gone the whole day without eating, just to make sure our bellies were full. As time went by my mother had two set of employers who cared deeply for her. They believed in her and provided her with opportunities to thrive. They helped out my family during very difficult times. Without their help, my family would have continued to suffer.

The years passed and my mother married a man who had a similar upbringing and same work ethic. Eventually their hard work paid off. My parents were able to buy a house, two brand new cars, put money into a retirement fund, and attended college courses. They have a daughter with a masters, another daughter in the process of getting her masters, and a son in the military. In their hearts they have achieved the American Dream. They continue to work hard because they know that one simple misfortune can wipe that dream away. 

Meaning

The story of my mother's is similar to those of millions of Latinos in the United States. My parents worked hard to get to where they are today. My parents know the system isn't perfect and that there are income disparities and institutionalized racism. But what my family has always wanted is simple: doing what they are able to do, putting food on the table, and providing for the family that they love. As society continues to scrutinize Latinos in the United States, I ask for you to take the time to let those people know the stories of those who have worked hard to make it in this country.

"Anger is a wall that we build to protect ourselves from hurting." -Emily Renderos

I work with children that have been hurt both physically and emotionally. Most of these adolescents continue to struggle with their anger. Do you know that anger is a secondary emotion. The primary emotion comes from fear. People get angry because they fear being abandoned, fear being let down, fear being hurt again. Anger is a wall that we build to protect ourselves from hurting. 

How can I stop a child from releasing their anger when those who swore to protect them and never let them down did just that. How can a child trust anyone when their foundation of trust was rooted in this way. 

Take a second to think and realize that those same kids who have hurt have grown to be our neighbors, our friends, or even ourselves. They may date your daughter, bully your son, be your boss at work, be the nurse that assists your dying father, be your dog groomer. So how can we continue to ignore or forget about helping families and children in need. Those hurt and angry individuals are part of our society. They are part of us. We have a social responsibility to help others learn how to trust in order to have a functional society. My goal is to start with children who have minimal support resources and help raise them up to a mentality of hope in relying on others. 

That was the last time I saw her...

"When I was six, I remember I was getting ready for school and my mom was about to drop us off. Four black cars pulled up and they took her away. That was the last time I saw her. And then the same thing happened to my dad. I feel so sad for him being in jail...I don't think he gets enough food." 

How do you respond to a child whose parents have been incarcerated and may not be released for years. How do you tell him that he may be in foster care until he's adopted or turns 21. How do I tell him that he may never be able to build that attachment and trust with his parents or other people in his life.

My heart breaks as a tear rolls down his cheek, worrying about his father and mother in jail. He runs to his foster mother and curls up in her lap. He now has a stomachache. That same stomachache that occurs when we start talking about his biological parents.

Times like this I just listen and observe. Times like this it hurts. So I let him let it out, so that he can grieve.